plans

I am going to be very honest with you. I have been putting off blogging, because I have felt like I do not have many "adventures" to share. Today I realized that an adventure didn't really have to be going to a really cool place or doing amazing things. For me, this summer is becoming a whole different kind of adventure than I ever imagined it would be. I would like to warn you now that I am about to share some of my thoughts about life, so if you want to back out now, I won't ever know. ;)
   I am going to try to organize my thoughts somehow, but this may come out in a huge jumble. I guess I could begin by saying that if you asked me a year ago where I would be today, I could never have guessed it in a thousand years. I think that this little fact is a funny part of life, at least for me it is. See, I really like to plan. a lot. I plan all of the time. I plan silly things like what I am going to have for dinner when I am eating breakfast, but I also plan big things like what I am going to do with my life. I have always tried to figure out what is going to come next. I mean it started from the time I was little when my teacher told me to write about what my life would be like when I was a grown up. I decided right then and there that I would be an interior designer, married to a doctor, living in Jamaica, with three kids in a cool house. Although I suppose my life could look like that eventually, my plans have definitely changed over the years. I moved from an interior designer, to an architect (I got an architecture set for my birthday and drew up many, many floor plans), and then I decided that I absolutely had to be a wedding planner. I have been dreaming of this job for a really long time.
*pause

Side note: I found college to be the strangest thing at first. When I arrived, I couldn't believe how weird it was. I mean growing up, you are always told what is next. When you are in middle school, high school is next, in high school it is college. There is always something that you know is next. Now that I am in college, people are always asking me what is next. Sometimes I just want to tell them, I am a kid for goodness sake! How am I supposed to know what I want to be and what I want to do? It is kind of like they all want you to plan out your life as a freshman in college. All I have to say to that is, "good luck."
*play

When I got this internship I literally squealed with delight (I found out and I just had to tell someone, but unfortunately everyone else in the house was asleep. I proceeded to call my poor parents). I thought that this was the best thing ever. Despite my way- too -frequent meltdowns when I thought college was going to eat me alive, I had such an incredible freshman year. I came to college all bright eyed and bushy tailed, and I left...well, pretty much bright eyed. I learned so much in such a short time. Well, I had no idea what was coming. Have you ever had those moments when you thought you couldn't possibly be humbled any more than you just had? I had those all year, which is actually a really great thing, because it allowed me to learn so much, but I am sorry for everyone that had to go through those things with me. I am so thankful for having the sweetest, most supportive parents and for having the most precious friends in the world.
*fast forward

Now, here I am on June 21, 2012 saying that I am finished making my ridiculous plans. I don't know if you noticed, but everything that I wrote above was what I thought. It was not me asking God what He wanted for my life. When I asked God that question a couple of months ago I never knew that it would lead me here. Although this time in my life may be one of the most difficult times I have ever had, I couldn't have asked for anything better. The Lord has shown me that I am incapable without Him.
("For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose."-Philippians 2:13) He has changed my heart. I have loved the Lord for a long time now, but God has put a passion in my heart for Him that I did not have before. My heart can do nothing but rejoice, because I know that I don't need to plan anymore, God has it under control. He has made me realize that although this whole wedding planner thing is fun, I don't know what I want to do with my life. The best part, is that it's okay to not know. ("Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."-Philippians 4:5-7)
Everything that I had planned for my life, God changed. I am not exaggerating either. At first I was so confused, I did not understand why things were not happening the way that I wanted them to. God then showed me that He was giving me the opportunity to draw nearer to him, something that I had been praying for all of my life. This is where faith comes in and the "I" and "my" in everything departs. This is also where I am blessed beyond belief. I will not lie, the hard parts of this time are quite apparent to me, but they are also not the most important anymore. I can see that God has the plan for my life, I don't know what it is, which is why I am praying for patience. hehe. I am overwhelmed by His goodness and love. I think that Paul's words are more appropriate than any of mine could ever be to explain my "adventure,"
"Not that I have already obtained all this or have been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 3:12-14

Oh how he loves us!

p.s. I have been working in the office all week. Nothing new to update there. This was on my heart, so I had to share.